


Amongst the Quiet Things

by bessmertny



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, F/M, like i am sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 09:56:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7356463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bessmertny/pseuds/bessmertny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Azriel looks at  Mor.</p><p>It’s what he does, he supposes. The earth turns, the rain drops and he looks at Mor, it’s what he’s being doing for the last five hundred years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Amongst the Quiet Things

Azriel looks at Mor.

It’s what he does, he supposes. The earth turns, the rain drops and he looks at Mor, it’s what he’s being doing for the last five hundred years.

They are at Rita’s, he can hear the sound of Cassian’s booming laughter and the quiet voices of Rhys and Feyre.

He looks at Cassian and Mor, his brother and his-What? His _what_?

He looks down.

Azriel still remembers the day he first saw her, walking torward her cousin, tracing a warpath in her wake. Her blonde hair mirroring the sunlight, his breath caught in his throat.

Thay knew each other, then, and looked at each other often enough to make the common interest known, the following weeks full of tentative steps. His heart like the wings of a bird, going faster and faster when she was near.

Sometimes he wonders.

He wonders what could have been, what could have happened if he wasn’t just a scarred bastard-born, if he could have-if he could _be_ …

If her family wasn’t full of heartless monsters-he wants to kill them, kill them, kill them- and when he knew about Eris, when he knew that they wanted her to marry someone like him, that would treat her like an object _at best_.

The rage he felt was so overwhelming in that moments, he remembers the faint color of the pieces of one of his siphons on the ground.

And then it happened.

She went to Cassian, his passionate brother, the one with the heart on fire.

And after that, everything froze.

What they did to Mor, her own fucking family. The amazement and pride he felt while he watched how gracefully she overcome it, like a goddess rising from her own ashes.

He watches her now, now and forever, watches her smile, that smile he would die and slaughter for, to keep it’s brithness untainted as much as he can.

The things he would do for the sound of her laughter.

He recognized the guilt on Cassian’s face, like he did something wrong, like he wronged Azriel in some way. But he didn’t, Mother, he didn’t. It was Mor’s choice and Azriel respected it, even if it destroyed him.

And whatever could have been between them, between Azriel and Mor, stilled.

And-

And for all the secrets he keeps and for all the things he won’t tell the only thing he is sure about, the only thing that will never change is this

Azriel loves Mor

He loves Mor, he loves her and after all this time this love is an undeniable part of him, like his wings or his head or his heart.

He knows he could do something, he could walk to her right in this moment, he closes his eyes and imagines it, walk to her and kiss her like he dreamed and dreamed and dreamed, a pattern long centuries.

But he doesn’t.

He doesn’t dare to.

His fist closes on the glass of his drink, it cracks.

There are times when he thinks her light will leave him blind and the last thing he is ever going to see will be her eyes, her radiance moving to eat up his shadoes and he would welcome it.

His shadows, gently purring at her presence like she is the one who controls them, the Queen who makes flowers grow in the wasteland that is him.

She smiles.

He wishes.

He wishes he could shed its status, his scars, his shadows like a serpent shed it’s skin but- but he can’t, and he knows it.

He wishes to just _be_ , be enough for her, wishes to fracture himself ina milion piecesm become stars on her lips.

He wishes to finally become darkness, lulling her to sleep in his arms made of tranquil shadows.

A gaze, red siphons glowing.

Cassian.

His brother, going back and fotrh between them, protecting Azriel feelings, asking Mor the question he knows Azriel dies to ask but can’t, won’t.

_“Where were you last night?”_

_where were you, where were you, where were you_

Playing the buffer between them, always worrying the people he loves are well, always trying to protect them, even from themselves.

But now, and Azriel smiles at the thought, his brother’s seems to be occupied with someone blessed with a fire able to match his.

But Mor-

Mor is going out-Azriel’s heart tightens painfully- he can feel Cassian’s eyes going from him to her at an alarming speed, like he is begging Azriel to finally make a move.

But Azriel will not stop her, like she doesn’t stop him when the opposite occurs.

And it doesn’t matter if he calls her name or if he sees her face when on top of someone else.

Azriel sips his drink, and watches her go.


End file.
